By Andrea Kranitz, Madrikha candidate
Year in and year out, we attend High Holiday services and spend the ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur
reflecting, evaluating, apologizing and making plans for a better self in the new year. I think we do that well - we are generally speaking, principled, thoughtful, respectful people who value one another and the greater good.
As practiced reflectors, atoners and do-gooders, we have our ups and downs, with some years being more difficult than others, depending upon the challenges we may have experienced throughout the year. Hopefully, despite these challenges, we are still able to maintain our intent and ability to improve ourselves.
Since 2016, these values and intentions have and are being tested. We know what we value, what our hopes are for the world and what we feel are the right things to do. So…does that make us right? From our perspective, it does. And what about the perspectives of others? Are they necessarily wrong?
We are living in a time of upheaval - from all sides
-The war in Iran
-Conflicts in Israel
-Economic inequality and uncertainty
-Threats to democracy
-Environmental issues
-Immigration issues
-Inhumane treatment of people
-Political polarization
-Societal division and distrust
-Disinformation
-Media influence
-Mental health crises
-Gun violence, and
-Value differences
I’m sure I’ve missed some …and.. we could discuss each and every one of these subjects in great depth…not tonight. Our world is in crisis - and this is on top of what we each deal with, in our individual lives. We cannot underestimate the impact of this turmoil on our well-being and ability to tackle everyday life. How can we handle all of this while maintaining the values that define us?
While I can’t assume that everyone feels the same way, I imagine that many of us do, and I will own my shortcomings when it comes to dealing with this state of upheaval.
Before we headed down the slippery slope to where we are now, I always felt that I behaved reasonably when encountering people, whose approach to philosophy, opinion and life, differed from mine. “Live and let live,”
“Agree to disagree,”
“Zei gezunt - go in good health.”
It was okay that we disagreed, because someone else’s opinion was theirs, and didn’t have any bearing on my life. There wasn’t much at stake, or at risk, so we could disagree and still get along. Now, I find myself feeling disrespect and sometimes hatred, toward others whom I deem “on the other side.” I judge based on what I think I see, without even knowing the other person. There is private disparagement - I see enemies, not other people.
My self-evaluation furnishes a mirror that I don’t want to look into. My self-reflection reveals that I am sad, afraid and worried - about the present and what is yet to come. And mostly, I’m not living the values that I espouse.
Abraham Maslow, a Jewish, self-proclaimed atheist, theorized that there is a hierarchy organizing human motivations into a five-tier pyramid, asserting that people must satisfy basic lower-level needs before pursuing higher-level growth.
Now… whether that strict hierarchy always follows in order, or ..whether you even buy into his theory, we can agree that there are basic human needs that must be met before we can attend to more intangible ideals. We must be clothed, fed and housed….feel safe, loved and respected.
Now, why am I talking about Maslow? Because, the current state of our nation and our world is a threat to those basic needs; for some more than others. The sadness, fear and worry that I mentioned creates an environment where it is extremely difficult to be reasonable or tolerant when it would seem that another’s opinion might threaten our well-being and basic human rights.
Our brains are pre-wired with an automatic survival mechanism that prepares us for an impending threat… whether real or perceived. The thing is… these threats are real. As our society moves backwards and erases the work we’ve done, we are scrambling to maintain equilibrium. We are trying to maintain our balance when the floor beneath us is rocking and shaking.
We are in a bind - how can we live our values, the ones we’ve been reflecting upon over the last ten days, protect ourselves and our communities, and start bridging the gap between us and our “other sided” counterparts, lowering the temperature on this toxic conflict?
Tonight, I’d like to propose, that the only way out of this morass of issues, is for people to be willing and able to see others as equal human beings, regardless of their views;
We have, at large, forgotten how to do that. Many would say that this is an impossible ask and it does look impossible. Just watch and listen to the news, social media and the people around you. There is so much factionalism and rancor that it seems insurmountable.
Is it wishful thinking to even believe that we can change? I believe that there is a moral imperative to make this effort, and it has to start here, with each of us - we are each part of a whole and while we are but a drop of rain in the storm, we count. The history of our people tells us that we can and will make a difference. We haven’t survived for thousands of years for no reason.
We definitely cannot force others to change, but, perhaps by modeling a different approach, others will come to see that there is a better way. We must remember that as humans, by and large, we are trying to satisfy basic needs. Yes, there are outliers.. and haters ..and downright evil people, but that’s always been the case. As Viktor Frankl said “when we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change our ourselves.”
I do believe that people are worried about the same things we are - perhaps in a different way, but still afraid of losing what they hold dear. If we can see the human in humanity, and speak to and about others, as we would have them speak to and about us, we might be surprised.
Now, this is all well and good in theory. I can stand up here and wax on idealistically about what we need to do, but that doesn’t cut it. Let’s see what we can do, even amongst ourselves.
Case in point, we don’t always agree with one another, but because we respect each other, we allow space for ideas that don’t jive with our own.
We also need to be aware that because we are like-minded and tend to be on the same side of most things, we can get each other worked up and further into a mindset of us vs them. This may feel cathartic, but it does contribute to polarization. Even amongst ourselves, we can practice engaging in civil discourse.
Taking a page out of one of my favorite books on this subject, “Crucial Conversations,” there are core principles that can guide us while having these discussions or even while we are just reacting to something we have heard or read. These principles can help us reflect upon what is actually driving our responses….. Think about productive disagreement… active listening…intellectual humility. After all, we do support the first amendment and as such, everyone is entitled to their voice.
We won’t solve this tonight, but perhaps we can explore further at one of our upcoming What’s Up? discussion forums.
Regardless of how we get there, I challenge myself and everyone here to think about your reactions to a hot topic, and try to understand what lies beneath that reaction. Reframe those on the “other side” as humans with similar needs coming from a different perspective.
Try not to demonize them, as we have been demonized throughout history. As Hillel said, “that which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow.”